Zenith Garden

Fearlessness

2009-04-15T21:02:00.014-03:00

If anybody asks me what is my goal right now I would answer that it is to become fearless. I am not saying that this means to be brave or to have the courage to fight against my problems, although these items are part of the process. I believe that fearlessness is something deeper. To have the purpose that motivates us to face anything. It is not to be angry or mad, but to be still. Not to lie, but to accept truth. To be fearless is to combine wisdom with the will to live and to be ready to accept yourself, to understand and to be understood.

It is hard to express these feelings that I have towards fearlessness. It is so personal but I hope I can at least share a little bit of my thoughts. What it means to move forward, to think deeply and calmly about your current condition. To put all your pride aside and replace it with acceptance. Not to fear anything, not even death. It is a powerful feeling. It is the compass that opens new roads for choosing many other positive discoveries such as love, faith, wonderment, clarity and freedom. It is the awareness of your surroundings. To never, ever give up to fight for what you believe in.

There are many situations in which you will simply ignore your problems. You know they exist, although you are not fully aware of them. So they become bigger and bigger and become critical. They wouldn't if you were wise enough to face and deal with them. That's the consequence of fear: despair and regret. Ignoring what calls you for so long have the same effect of being scared to answer them. You just don't want to admit it.

The egg of fear may hatch as a beautiful bird or as a monster. You choose.

How many things we keep ignoring in our lives? Here is a list of things that I was already scare of: darkness, talking to a stranger, going to somewhere like a show or a trip, some subjects regarding my feelings or my choices, admitting my frailties, breathing new air, loneliness, getting sick, getting old, the future and many other things. Somethings I am not scared anymore like darkness. I found out that introspection and self discovery can come out even in the darkest places. Some of them like the loneliness I try to transform, replacing it with the joy that can be found within my solitude.

From time to time I forget to be myself, the purpose of living this life. Sometimes, or maybe many times I forget that I am a spirit full of positive energy. This energy needs to flow in my body or else I become used to my negative energy. Thus, I start to live in disharmony and loose my way. We need simple things to feed our soul. There is so much distraction that can change the course of our paths. If we have goals, and we all have goals, we need to remember what motivated us to choose these goals and what we are doing to achieve them.

I could share some of my goals now, but of most of them are quite silly and it won't add anything to anybody. But this one is valuable and precious. To try to get closer and closer to fearlessness each and every day.

Who Am I? And if So, How Many?

2009-02-25T00:22:00.004-03:00

I just read this book about the introduction to philosophy. The author is the German Richard David Precht. The original title is: "Wer bin ich: und wenn ja wie viele?". The book is very easy to read and it reminds the feeling of a journey to several cities and on each journey the author focus on an environment related to the chapter, approaching the reader to the subject. Usually it deflects the attention to a person, a thinker who will guide us though the subject. This trip is timeless and follows the sequence defined by the author who divided the book into three parts: <What Can I Know?>, <What Should I Do?> and <What Should I Expect?>. Philosophy, psychology, sociology, neurology, biology and many other sciences are mixed and placed together on this trip. The feeling of exploring different cities, meeting thinkers, knowing about their lives and research makes the narrative more lively and at the same time explains various subjects and how they were faced during each time.

The book is very introductory, the contents are not very deep, but it ties and connects the subjects, which is quite interesting. But many of the examples are geared towards Germany, which does not cause much impact to readers of other countries. Another thing is that it cited almost only European and US American thinkers. A philosophical journey, as the subtitle of the book suggests, should at least add the rich world of the oriental philosophy to the route. Because the lack of it, I thought the book lost many raiting points. In the end, the human mind evolved on the entire planet and it still continues to evolve as a whole. But I learned a lot with it.

The first part of the book is an individual travel, exploration of our mind, our brain, memory and language. It is the part that I liked most. The second focus on the social relashions and moral issues related to the rights and duties of human beings and their relationship with nature and animals. The third part I liked too, the text is a bit tiring, but it brings interesting topics such as the meaning of things, freedom, the value that we give to things and happiness. In this context, it refers to the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy regarding the meaning of things and to the movie The Matrix regarding the meaning of life itself.

The One Who Makes a Difference

2009-02-19T23:32:00.004-03:00

A single person makes all the difference. I do not know what made me think about it today. Maybe the feeling of yearning to have a good project leader or technical leader. A manager who I can trust... At times of crisis, it may not look like it, but what we demand most is a floor that we can stand still. Someone that we can trust. You can be a solid reference, or think you are, but when economic volatility is high, everything is distorted. You need to know where not to step or else you will break eggs. My managers changed for three times, I passed through three different departments. My programming language switched from Java to C++. Then I had to use C# at the same time and then to go back to Java and then to C++ and finally C# only, not to mention Javascript, Ajax, SQLs, HTML, XML, I dunno what ML. The change from Java to C++ at the first time was my option, but after that the changes happened due to the projects that I was on. There were also the frameworks, design patterns, libraries and everything that involved the world of Desktop and Web applications. How can you plan your career if you are taken from one side to another? Especially when your colleagues change or lose their jobs? It seems like you are being selfish if you do plan (ok, I know that this subject can be extended, but it is not the point of today's idea).

Putting my thoughts aside, what I wanted to say today is the importance that is to take a person as a reference. It could be more than one, but only one would already make all the difference. The confidence grows mainly because of empathy. The influences are important at all levels. The clearest example of this influence is the representative of a country. Whatever the country it is, the representative may cause a huge influence on its people. The people could be selfish and only caring about pushing their problems with their bellies. They could never protest against anything, remain silent, absent, away from everything, complain about everything, only acting when someone else takes an initiative. If a single person, with empathy enough to win another and another and another person can awaken the desire for change that sleeps within, would make all the difference. For good or for evil. Whether this agent is a dictator or is hated by the people from other countries. Not that I am in favor of dictators, because dictatorship does not work in today's times unless the dictator has an absurdly high IQ, the best of intentions and an altruism out of the ordinary, which let's agree with it, it does not exist. The people who suffer with a war that never ends, will find peace only when something happens. And this something starts with the actions of some person and not necessarily ends with this one. Sometimes it demands sacrifices. It may be a tragedy to pull the trigger of a change.

We trust the ones that make us feel protected. Our support is given naturally when there is empathy.

Turning the attention back to me, I'm a guy who has not enough charisma to lead, but I am a great catalyst for relations. Perhaps because of the ability of reading the intentions of the people and their possible reactions. I think in essence, everyone knows what others are thinking, after all, we have mirror neurons for doing these things. Unless the brain is from an autistic, because then the person would live in his own world. Now, I love certain types of people. Everyone else may find a person boring, rude, stupid, or a pain. If I see something good in a person, like a pure heart, I would surely give all my support to this person. But beware, education and intelligence are qualities that I appreciate, thank you!

Well, maybe this post is not for you. Maybe you have wings to fly at the front line but no one can do it all alone.

The Clock and The Time

2009-02-17T23:41:00.002-03:00

The clock is precise and exact. Each hour has 60 minutes. Every minute, 60 seconds. Time is relative and subjective. Time flies. Time stands still. 60 minutes of fun is very different from 60 minutes of waiting for something we are yearning. Today, my time flew so fast and and yet it was like an eternity. Each second was like minutes, but I felt that it was not enough to do everything I wanted. Actually, I was supposed to be studying now instead of writing on the blog, but it's already night and I prefer to relax instead...

The ticks of the clock are always accurate. But the time we perceive is a part of our illusion.

In Greek mythology, Chronos was the personification of time, referring to the time and chronological sequence. Kairos is the moment, referring to the experience and time that cannot be measured, only experienced. Usually, my day is like this: when the light turns on it means I should wake up (my sister has used the bathroom). When the bus stops, it means labor time (I arrived at work). The next 9 hours would be intense or not, depending on the amount of activities that I have to complete. The more things better, because the more things to do, the faster the time will fly. When I work hard I don't stop to think about things. Talking with people makes the time flows faster. I recently got involved with different teams. After years of working with the same team my allocation has varied considerably. The body time (biological clock) and the mental time (mental clock) must be synchronized so that I can use the time properly.

Usually I do not see the clock, but there is one on the computer screen. I don't like using hand-watches. Sometimes I look at the cell phone to see the clock. It is amazing how clocks are scattered everywhere. If I lived in the countryside, I would not miss counting the minutes. We live bonded by so many rules. There are times for everything. Time to work, to eat, to sleep, to wake up. Sometimes we turn into a little clock. This affects our very ability to create. To see other perspectives. There are, of course, advantages and disadvantages for the patterns. We would be in the medieval times if we didn't follow the rules. But to take everything literally is the greatest invitation to alienation. Anyway, it is always a good to think a little about what we want.

Our Choices, Our Growing Up

2009-02-13T22:15:00.003-02:00

We are moved by our feelings. We are the product of the actions and reactions that surrounds us since the day we were born. We can't escape that one day we would feel nostalgic and look into the past and think about it. Think about the people that we have met and the things we have done. Two things may happen. One thing is that we would reject our memories. The other thing is that we would be missing them. We can't escape this kind of judgement. Day after day we move forward as we want to conquer our space and achieve our goals. But one day, it could be a minute, an hour or an eternity we would ended up stopping and look into the past and wonder.

To live with no regrets is a bliss. But it is also our responsibility to have any reason to regret something. Let's say you hang around with the nerds in your kidden garden and now you are popular at high school. What would you feel about your nerdy friends? Shame? Think them as losers? What about your college friends? If you ended up as a successful professional would you forget about your colleagues because now you only want to hang around with other successful models? It would definitely be much more useful to you. And that's fine. Really, it is a very nice choice. But I wouldn't say wise, wise people learn from their actions, don't deny them. Although nice is a good choice, if I am sincere, it makes me a little bit sad, but no matter the choices, the important thing is to never regret them. And about wisdom, I don't think I have it. Few people are wise, anyway. So if you ever feel like if you would look at the past and regret, think twice. Follow your heart. That's the best thing you can do to not regret and move forward. It is your heart that will decide if what you did was good or bad in the future. Not your head. Your head may tell only if what you did was right or wrong but it is your heart that will feel it.

As children we are innocent. As we grow, we lose this innocence day after day.

I would probably see myself on both sides of this situation. There are people that I am really ashamed to remember and there are people that think of me as the most bizarre creature and would want me miles away. That's fine. Good choices are rewarded by time and bad ones punished by it. However, we can always fix bad choices as long as we live. Allow me to tell you this, reader, if you know a little about me, sometimes I have something good to say. Because we all have, when it comes from within our hearts.

Red Tea. Shall We Drink?

2009-02-11T21:23:00.003-02:00

Last year a few friends of my mother came to our place because of Japan's festival of 100 years of Japanese immigration. One of them, after returning to Japan, sent us a bag of tea flower. My mother says to know this flower, but I forgot her name now. But the cool thing is the color of the tea that is pinkish, almost red. If it is made more concentrated it becames even redder, almost the color of blood. But I think it is tasty, however a little bit sour...

Red Tea - To break the routine of the green

When I was at Gramado I spoke with a lady of Minas about teas. When I told her I used to drink almost every day and that it was very common to me drinking it before going to bed she was impressed because once she drank it she would had insomnia. I do not have problems sleeping. Not really. Even a hard black cofee shot would not alter me at all. It does not take my sleepyness away. Well it could, 'cause there are days that I get very sleepy after lunch... Whatever. When I traveled to Liberty Ville, sometimes I drank Red Bull and other kind of energetics before going bed. Well, it was delicious, better than cold water or soft drinks. And I would sleep like stone. To wake up I also have no problems, my problem is the laziness. If I do not have anything useful to do I sleep untiiiiiil someone calls me out of bed. But I cannot abuse it because otherwise I get a headache. There was a week from my vacation that I woke up, took the breakfast and then went back to bed... This means that my problem is not really going out of bed :). But I confess that there are days that it is difficult get out of it :P. Oh, that are also zombie days. Once, I hit my forehead on the wall, then I started to bleed, walked to the living room and realized that I was bleeding only after someone saw me. I think it was Igor but I do not remember. Today I woke up with dreams in my head. I remember them and posted in Gmail. At that time, I wanted to remember them. I was saving them in my head, and recorded an image of a window that had nothing related to the dream, but it would help me to remember it somehow...

Red Tea - The petals are still floating and once they fall, they will make the tea even redder!

Look, it is not the traditional tea powder or dried leaves there are used to make this tea. These are the petals of the flower stalk or dehydrated, whatever! In these pictures it is pink, but if I put it in a can it looks much more red... It's evening and the time is bad to take pictures with flash turned on. It becomes weird. Wow, this post has no notion. Is it the effect of tea?

Hello World

2009-01-05T21:17:00.002-02:00

Hello World! As for now this site had only my personal stuff. My posts, photos, videos, shared sites, etc. I like to keep them visually clean. I hate sites with useless banners, headings, and other bullshit. But as more stuff are coming, I decided that I want to integrate many of the sites into one. No more navigating into different layouts and managing them. Thanks to Google APIs, RSS and Javascript it is possible to join the services into a single web page. It would save my time of updating the layout, images, style-sheets, formatting and everything. On the other hand it is good and I like to have a lot of sites to edit and create. I like their unique feel, each one of my site is a garden itself. They will still be there, specially because their have unique features. It would take me too much time to export Picasa Photo tagging, or Blogger Achiever. I already posted about how I manage my sites, but as for quick browsing I feel that is time to have a single place to centralize the information. That's what I believe...
There are new stuff coming this year too. I am creating a different label: "Hello World". In this label I will write about the stuff that is happening in the world. It could be anything, economy, fun, politics... I will try to share my point of view. There is one more new thing that I will start doing from now on: languages. I was experimenting the web translation but I did not like it much, since it is not as accurate as I hoped it would be. By the way the only reason I was writing in English up to now was because I thought the web translation could do a nice work. But it doesn't. So I will have to find a way to synchronize the English and Portuguese versions of my posts whenever possible. And all this new stuff will arrive in a new layout that I am preparing now. There is a preview in my Google Pages. And soon it will be finished.
Last year I started to add my friend's shared stuff from Google Reader. I was just playing with possibilities, but I think that the idea was good and I will add it as a feature to this site. Talking about features, they are increasing. Last year I added Twitter and convinced my sister to add it to her blog. I have plans to extend its integration to my site, but I need to think first. Well I am not used to post much, even when I have something I want to post... I am very lazy to do it, although I like writing a lot. I hope 2009 to be a year full of things that matter. And short of things that doesn't. It means trashing the useless, cleaning it up!

Between Passion and Reason

2008-12-01T20:22:00.004-02:00

It's hard to conciliate pleasure with work. Fortunately I chose a profession I like, but there are lots of different areas to exercise. Sometimes I find myself completely divided. Before choosing my college course, I knew that I was good with numbers but what I loved was literature. My math and physics marks were great but I didn't like to study them very much. My grammar was usually terrible but I loved to study figures of speech. Maybe not terrible, but it could be better. Later in college my best marks were related to math, calculus etc. and not to subjects related to computer science like architecture, networks, databases, software engineer and so on. Anyway I have never failed in a subject, my final scores were always blue. But it didn't change the fact that it was weird to me not to get good grades on the subjects I liked. Some other oddities are like not been good at things most people are and been good at things most people aren't. The fuzziness, the opposites, the swapped sense were always present in my life. It challenges me. Of course that there are things that I am good and love, and things that I am terrible and hate. And it is hard to explain these concepts to people, it's hard even for myself to understand.
I need to manage my skills with my actions, my natural talents with my experience. It is wonderful when I have direct contact with someone who can work with this never ending twist in my head. Its not like I cannot manage it alone, but it makes me really happy to find someone who can complete my thoughts. Sometimes I have lots of ideas and brainstorms and there are people that can synthesize these ideas. This makes me happy because it means that this one person understood me. And it feels good to be understood. I can both complicate and simplify, but I have more fun complicating things because it pushes my creativity and allows me to explore more of myself. So its natural to me to appreciate people who can take the best of what I can offer.

Buffered Cause and Consequence Law

2008-11-30T18:06:00.002-02:00

Not long ago, I sent an email saying that if we wait for something to become better for too long, something bad may happen to change what is wrong. Basically, thinking that hiding or protecting ourselves forever in a shell waiting that nothing will ever change is a very big mistake. In terms of balance, when one side is in a huge disadvantage, any drop of water may inflict chaos and change sides to seek for a new order. This does not apply only to our lives. From time to time any dynamic system requires changes. The sad thing is that we do very little to avoid the disordered inflation and usually wait to face the consequences. Everything would be much simpler if the rule cause and consequence could always be applied instantly, but that's not how it works. The systems are bounded by this rule, but there is a tiny little element that adds complexity to them: the buffer. When the buffer is empty that would be the ordinary cause and consequence law we are used to know.
Our health is an example of this law. Little by little we do things that is not good to our bodies and minds. It could be smoking, eating fat, ignoring exercises or living a miserable unhappy life. Fortunately our bodies can endure a long period of time but if we do nothing to regain our balance we become sick or have an explosion of mood. It is usually good to have a change. Or even better to do it all the time with small changes in the spirit, personal projects and goals. Breath new air. This prevent us from getting old and to became a dinosaur in a world that is constantly been challenged by new opportunities and youth. It is also a way to keep the buffer always low, or as simple as it could be: empty.

The Scream/Wallace Begay [link]

It is not an easy task to calculate the size of the buffer, but I guess that's not very important. Of course it would be great to know exactly when it would be the turning point, but that would represent only a false feeling of control and would not solve the problem. The point is how to identify what is demanding for changes and more importantly to have the courage and attitude to expose the situation and take an action. Sometimes we are so worried to find the solution and afraid that it is the right one that we ended up missing the turning point and the buffer ends. Sometimes just taking an action inspires the solution by simply exposing the problem. People are easily moved with feelings of cooperation, specially in countries like mine, that's a good strategy for seeking a solution. Lack of understanding and communication wastes the full potential that exist within this cooperation. Sometimes the full potential of this energy is not used because of the lack of empathy for the cause. Usually we are not alone. Knowing is the beginning and sharing is essential. Denial leads to prejudice and a chain of bad actions starts to cloud the solution.
The world's economy is suffering from the unbalanced relationship between the rich and the poor. Everyone faces the consequences, it is up to the leaders and partially their responsibility to avoid disorders to pop up. The denial of the people that something is wrong with their lifestyle, the world and their complacence to keep moving this system is everyone's problem. The more involved with this problem the more the consequence to be suffered, that's very natural and represents a good lesson to everyone.
There is also our environment that still suffers from an unbalanced relationship between our consumption and the capacity of the planet to absorb our pollution. Today I see that we live with the problem and do nothing effective to stop it, even if we are aware that it exists. So the day will come for the nature to take its action and find a new order to keep the balance in harmony. Not before a chaotic period of time where the ones involved will struggle to find a way to establish themselves on this new order.

After the consequences are the lessons learned? Some people will learn it, some won't and I guess opportunities will always be there to prove it.

The Virus Theory

2008-11-27T22:14:00.006-02:00

I have a theory about the origins and purpose of viruses. That's very simple, but very weird.
The viruses evolved by using living creatures to reproduce themselves. This appears not to be a symbiotic relationship since the affected beings do not gain anything but an infection. But I believe that this is not entirely true. The virus is a vector that we can use to infiltrate into other beings. Just imagine the virus as part of us, or a tool created by us, evolved within us. When we infect others the material that originated by our metabolic reactions is now inside another creature. Of course, the DNA/RNA of the viruses is not our own, but what if we can intentionally direct them to others? This is a very aggressive mean of communication, but that's exactly the point. Guess what, we unconsciously spreading viruses to the people we want. But it does not apply only to other people, it applies to ourselves too.
Maybe we do not manifest the disease, we just have the viruses but we can get along with them. When we want ourselves to manifest the disease, our immunological system is altered and the viruses inside us are activated. Just like some parts of our DNA, depending on the type of the cell, some segments can activate or not. Cancerous cells are infected by virus in most cases, that's an example of how dangerous they are. Nothing new here, but what I am suggesting is that we are responsible for the manifestation of certain diseases. How many times we become weak when we are unhappy, have a lot of complains, or have destructive thoughts? So, this desire for change yearns for chaos, destruction, renovation. Our minds can do amazing things for good and for bad.

The Virus Theory

Going deep into this theory is that this is also a mechanism that we use to project our intentions into others. Since our thoughts cannot interact with the thoughts of another, by strongly manifesting intentions into different types of viruses this is a way to materialize our will to reach the other. I believe that our minds can do much at cellular level. Our will have much power not only to control our physics. It goes deep into our life system. Our will intrinsically connecting our DNA, and our DNA interacting with viruses RNA/DNA and its reproduction, mutation, etc. Life have thousands of years of existence, and all this system I am describing used the small chances and opportunities that opens up possibilities to take advantage of the best architecture that can be designed.
Exchanging DNA/RNA is not new in nature. Bacterias do it with their cross over method. It is easier for them since they live within the same environment. Multi cellular beings cannot cross over their DNA information since their cells cannot physically touch each other all the time. So virus is for multi cellular beings what plasmids are for bacterias. Evolved plasmids finding a way to make sense in a different form. Thousand years of evolution made this mechanism turn into diseases, but that's what see now. I believe that this is just one aspect that we perceive. The roots were good for the evolution. And even now, in a different or same way, we just don't realize it.
What is yet to be discovered about us, about our DNA, about life is unimaginable. Viruses mutates inside us and so our cells. What is inside our bodies is the environment that defines us. We are not just our cells, we are the mithocondrias, the bacterial flora living symbiotically and other aliens, every life form within the body. Its just natural that the lives in ourselves desires to survive, mutate and manifest into other environment or bodies. And its natural that the beings in us attempts to interact with each other, to every way they can. Usually the virus has a very specific target. Human viruses usually doesn't affect turtle viruses, etc. This is because we are not turtles so we don't have the necessity to project our DNA or our mutated DNA into turtles and vice-versa. There are multiple factors why virus are specie specific, I am just listing this one as an example.
Who knows all the mysteries of what can't be seen? The unknown can always be wondered and travel around like virus carrying information. Some are useful, some are just stupid.

Devil Wouldn't Recognize You

2008-09-01T23:34:00.005-03:00

I have been though a lot lately. I have a lot to tell about my experiences in my last travel, upload my photos at Picasa, write about my wishes and the weird events that happened at home last month. Well, like always, I will save it for another day :D!
By the way, it is always funny to know what someone thinks about you. Specially because even you don't know all about yourself. I guess you should take care when you say something about someone, because you can say all that you know regarding what a person do or is capable of doing, but hardly you will know for sure how it feels inside, the reasons and intentions. There are things that is better to ask the person directly. Anyway, it is hard to talk about people, about yourself or about anyone. Each one of us have moments of surprise, such is the nature of the humans.
I am buying a lot of junk lately. Last week I bought a hard disk USB cable, an MP5 device for my mother's birthday and today I bought a USB midi cable to connect my piano to my notebook, so I can use piano software, specially this one called Synthesia. If I work hard enough I want to compose some music in the future, I have some melodies in my head, but there is no way I can record them :(.
Well, I missed my house, my space and all the stuff around the city. My office finally changed its address location and now I don't work on an ugly building with air tubes all around the corridors. And now that my vacations is over, there are tons of things waiting for me at the office. Better close my eyes, breathe and go crazy.

A Legend or Whatever

2008-03-15T15:14:00.002-03:00

This is a Sci-Fi movie based on a book written by Richard Matheson. It took me a while to write about it, I watched it month ago. Anyway, better later than never. I started to watch it without knowing anything about it, the plot, the genre, etc. People said it was cool, so I was there to watch it, why not? The first minutes I started to wonder, what the heck is that guy doing in a city completely empty? And a city like the Big Apple!! Why are these animals here and there, why was he hunting, what the hell was going on?? Alright, after this wonderment I started to really appreciate it and pay attention to the movie.
I felt like watching to Resident Evil...

I Am Legend/Warned Bros - 2007

I don't know how the plot was different from the book version, since I did not read the book, but in the movie, it seems that some scientists found a cure for the cancer and used a virus on people. Then simply this virus spread, got out of control, killed billions of people, etc. Quite absurd, but the most absurd was that the infected ones turned into violent beings, creatures living in the darkness that could not be exposed to sunlight. Well, there weren't many actors in the movie, since all 'zombies' seemed to be computer graphics. But it was a good movie, Will Smith is amazing, and although I love fantasy movies, this one was more like a fiction driving towards fantasy, since the situation was absurd. I don't mean the creation of a lethal virus. That is plausible and that was the message of the movie, because life needs to be handled with caution. But really, a survivor building a lab on his house, with full power supply, billions of humans turning into zombies due to a virus and that can't be exposed to sunlight. The ending was even more absurd, I am not spoiling it anyway. But I liked the movie, it was not bad at all.

Ergo Proxy the Proxy of Death

2008-03-14T14:38:00.000-03:00

It has been a while since I last watched to an anime series. The last time I watched one was when I was still studying in the college with my friends. So I tried this one called Ergo Proxy. Later it is explained that Ergo Proxy is the Proxy of Death.
Below is Re-l, the main character of the series:

Ergo Proxy/Manglobe - 2006

The story itself was not my type. To briefly explain, in a futuristic scenario, the world become very hostile and the few humans who remain lived in domes, similar to those from Final Fantasy - The Spirits Within. To help people machines called AutoReives were build to advice and guide them. The people were more like consumers while the AutoReives were the working force. Incidents started to happen related to a virus infecting the AutoReives allowing them to have feelings and strange behavior and even to murder people they were suppose to protect. Well, Re-l, the character from above investigated these incidents and met different people on her journey, discovering the truth behind the domes, the creature called Proxies and even the truth about herself.

Letting Go

2008-03-10T23:27:00.001-03:00

There are some feelings that come back over and over and you always expect them to affect you the same as before. Writing about them is my way to bury these feelings on my past. Not forever, of course, I don't think that's ever possible. I specially try not to read something I wrote before, even because it would not be interesting to read anymore. Past stuff should remain there, so I write to put my thoughts behind and let myself go. But these days I discovered something very interesting. There is this feeling that I use to have in certain situations and I really thought that it would come back again and it did, but this time I felt differently, almost like at peace instead of feeling angry. Maybe I am growing up, or maybe I realized how childish of me would be to behave like a stupid kid in stupid situations. Its like looking at someone else's eyes and wonder how old you are and how old one are. I mean, its not like I should not allow myself to grow only because someone is not and vice-versa. I am not the likes and likes are not me. It surprises me how I learn things in unexpected moments, not by forcing situations or by been eager for them to happen.
When my mind is at peace and when doubts are gone my vision becomes less blurred. Although there are different aspects of me, different places and different people, they are all connected. Past, present, friends, colleagues, family, my goals and then my future and the choices I make. The funny thing is that sometimes you make a huge step without even planning, just because of the good opportunities and right choices made by the wrong reasons. Of course we are all responsible for opening the doors, but isn't it curious how things ended up fitting together? And I close my eyes and see who I was some years ago and is that really me? The vessel does not change, but so many things become different, not only the things I see or think, but also the things I feel, my opinions, everything.
If there is this big illusion called world, how many worlds are there? So many people convicted with their beliefs and living their own illusions. And our struggle never ends, my fight to accept and my yearn to understand. I miss somethings along the way, specially good advices. I am always listening to good advices, trusting too much and yes, that does not change. A good music always make me dance until I fall.

Lazyness

2008-02-29T16:55:00.001-03:00

I am lazy these days. Just thinking of uploading the photos from my last travel on Picasa it makes me feel lazy. I need a shot of good mood to do my homework, complete my web page, my profile, update my Curriculum Vitae. I also need to get rid of my multimedia page, because since I bought an iPod classic with 160Gigs it does not make sense anymore to keep or update it. So change of plans, I need to understand what I am doing. This week I started to watch Heroes. I am watching 3 episodes a day, but I dunno, I guess what I want is to watch is something that has an end. American series usually never ends, they keep producing seasons while they can still make profits. That's an advantage animes has over them, the good ones have good plots, a beggining and an end. But I don't know the good titles today, it has been a while since I last watched a series. Those college days, my habits are so different now...
By the way I have been studyng C++! It was good to learn all it can do, from pre-processor commands to templates. I guess I was just a little out of sync, I should have studyed before. Anyway, it is never too late to start something.

What it Feels, Truth and Lies

2008-02-28T23:44:00.002-03:00

I have been wondering these days. Do I ever learn the lessons of my life? Doesn't my past teach me anything? Because the things I do sounds like the stupid things I did before. It makes me sad and I have my reasons to be sad. People I like just go away. I already lost my father that never listened to me. I was just a stupid teenager. I just wish people could never go away. I ended up hurting people and been hurt by them. It's a never ending fight. Underneath it, many feelings. I should have already learned not to be too much attached to things. But I can't help it, it is my nature, it is who I am.
I follow my instincts and capture any sings that could provide hints of human intentions. They become clear as the time you spend with others passes. That's why sometimes I can understand people without even listening to their words. They come to me naturally and sometimes, when they make sense I see some ugly situations. But there are also times when actions are dear, specially from those who believe you. What is ugly does not hurt me much, what hurts me most is to know good intentions that went wrong and turns to be bad ones. Worse is the silence, cowardliness, even lies. Really, I do not care when there are no feelings involved, when you just have to do things for the sake of other things, but when there is a relationship of trust involved, what is clear becomes obscure. It breaks my heart, its poison seeping through my veins stealing dignity as it is written on a song. It feels like the reward of your loyalty is only the betrayal.
I should not worry too much. At least this is another lesson I learned the hard way from someone far from today but still very close. I wish I could hug everyone that saved me, it could be my birthday gift after all. And this weekend on my birthday I wished to meet more people I can admire and respect, to give my loyalty, my sight and my silence. I am like water following the moon. I am sounding like a daydreamer today and I wonder again. Sometimes I get mad at very good people, with very good hearts. Good people sometimes may be rude even when they are not meant to be. This is also another lesson I learned the hard way, it is not like I go crazy on anyone that do something I don't like anymore.
Maybe no one ever understands me, but I do try to understand others even with so many differences among all of us. It is good to know that even through differences that are somethings that never change and make us all the same in a way. Or maybe just ties us together. I guess my sadness is slowly disappearing, it is good to write how you feel. But I don't know, in my heart there is still a mixture of gratefulness, sadness and even happiness. What another person's memory looks like is something I will never know. It is the moments you live that become memories. Eventually they fade away, but they are never erased. They can always be remembered.

Going Up to the Skies

2007-12-26T18:33:00.001-02:00

I took some pictures from inside the plane and also filmed it taking off. Hmm... guess I was not supposed to do such a thing, but it is not like if I did it the plane would crash. All went well in the end!
Here are the departure moments!

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Relationships That Matter

2007-11-14T01:19:00.000-02:00

Some people I know appear to be very friendly, and are very fond to many others, socially active and such. But I also have the feeling that some of these people even though they might look great to you, might turn their back at you, or simply not give much attention to you later. Something like speculating the highs and lows. And I am also speculating their behavior, because I do not have proof that they might actually do.
The second kind is those people who are quieter, that will demand more time to initiate interactivity with others, but is also harder to imagine them speaking bad of you when you are not around, on the contrary, they will support you. They are much more loyal and more generous. The type of investment that can give a lot more interests in the future. Many people see them with bad eyes because apparently they are tougher, but in the same time they have consistency, standardized behavior, just lacking a little sympathy at the beginning of the contact.
It is like feeling and like seeing an image, I am unable to explain how this is in my brain... People are in my head like shadows who come into contact with me when I am near them and when you observe them, they may even be thinking what I imagine what they are thinking, but these shadows are not perceived at the time, sometimes I just realize what is in my head when something turns to be what it really is. Something like realizing what you felt before only when it happens in the present. Well this is the best that I can I explain.
As the first impression is the one that stays, it is not always that we appreciate the people we enjoy today.
What I most miss are the people of this second kind. And as everyone cross each other constantly, what I also miss is having many of them together near me at the same time. I feel them as some sort of a bubble around several of others I know. Despite the bubbles are connected strongly, they are more distant at the same time.
Only to illustrate an example, I see Igor as the second kind and I wanted to be in the fraternity wondering this night just to start shitty chatting. Then others would appear at the fraternity room and would raise new subjects to the matter and continue the chat. And I would have been pleased to trigger the conversation and made an upgrade of the link of mental wonderment of all.
Another thing I feel is the day too short. I wanna bring forth many hobbies, dedicate to various projects, but the time goes by too fast. And I am afraid that time always goes by too fast and that my hair might be bad. Last week I attended to four lectures regarding health and quality of life and now I am trying to achieve a more healthy eating habit. Let's see if I can move on.
The typical stressed and annoying person or psycho depressive maniac I think would never be. I discovered that nerve stomach releases adrenaline in me and the effects are visible, since I become more talkative, more enthusiastic, and so on. It was incredible not realizing this before. Or better saying, realizing that these two things are connected with each other. I noticed them when the doctor pointed out to me and I started to speak up. And, throughout the day, until this effect ended, I was more agitated than the usual.
By the way, each individual is one of a kind, I am sure that there is not only these two kinds of people and I believe that all changes. The bubbles not only have distance but also have colors, shapes and lives on their own. I never managed to do an accurate analysis of myself or find someone similar to me. To find people with things in common to me, yes, but in terms of personality, hmm… I guess it is difficult to say. I think the more you know a person who has its own persona, the more difficult is to find someone similar. So I guess it is a good thing.

Enjoying The World Today

2007-10-29T20:43:00.000-02:00

Sometimes I am so worried about doing something that I ended up forgetting one very important thing: to enjoy it. My actual instructor once said that I am perfectionist but I don't agree with him. I try my best, I try not to regret and the last thing that would concern me is about a perfect execution. Sometimes I forget that no matter how much I try it is very important to have fun. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I am scolded and that's life, it's unavoidable. Am I supposed to get mad or to be sad on every step that went wrong? Pay attention to complains? No, I will not be upset about it. I am aware that each lesson is important to lead me to the place that I am now. Sometimes I know that I am heading to the right path, but am I feeling the joy of getting what I want? I mean joy in every little thing, in every breath I waste during day and night. The least I can do is to transform or to get rid of the things that annoys me. I know that I can be a very positive influence, but in the same time, I can be a very negative one. But destroying is easy.
I don't think that I need to proof what I can do to others all the time. I do persevere and try hard sometimes, but that's part of the process of creation. The world is like a spinning wheel. We never know what lies ahead, so we need to be prepared to deal with what is about to come. I need to remind myself to not to hurry and to live the present moment. Time is responsible to put things in their right place. Like Shakespeare would say, the more you struggle, the faster you sink.
I yearn to get what I want. I don't have patience, am I terrible but what can I do? Watch time goes by while getting old? I am controlling myself to give one step at a time and I am about to explode, but oh boy, a day does not have 30 hours. I guess I will try to enjoy while I do the home work and exercise my patience and wait the moment to do what I have to. Life is meant to be fun.

Power Of Creation

2007-10-28T16:41:00.000-02:00

Recently, I have been feeling the need to do something different in order to stimulate my creativity and to experiment. Well, I did discover a lot of neat stuff on WWW and books and I started to plan where to spend time on my vacation. But honestly, I don't want to start doing a bunch of things that will not lead me anywhere. My focus was to gather all these ideas and connect them. There is a reason for me to want to visit new places, not only to enjoy the good moments. It is all related to this goal of mine.
The first step was already given by creating an open window that allows me to publish anything on the web. Not only publishing but tying information altogether. There are still a lot of things that I want to publish and update, it all depends on the priority and the time that I have available to dedicate myself to them. In this journey I discovered many interesting tools. The most useful of them is the Google Reader that makes it possible to create an online personalized magazine with real time feeds from all over the world, such is the power of the web. I even shared the news that I find interesting but I highly recommend the creation of a personalized set of subscriptions.
Still, the flame of creation burns inside of me. I want to use this flame to fly higher and to be challenged by new opportunities. Life is too short to be wasted, there are many living dead dragging people to their coffins. I admit that my flame is not red, it is blue. It is intense and I am glad it is my own. I believe that in the world that we live now we need to constantly reinvent ourselves. There are so many things that died in this country and it is like a burden to us all. But as things die, new opportunities arise. To be able to change is a proof that you are alive.
New relations are being formed all around us. The iPhone, that is much more marketing than innovation itself, joining what people was seeking (including the name Apple) into a product. Madonna that created a new format of business with Live Nation where records sales were doomed by the era of mp3. Wikipedia, YouTube, Amazon, eBay and many other web applications that changed the world of business. The ability to understand the customer relationship is the key to reinvention, a step further to automation , identification of opportunities and definition of strategies, in my opinion.
I am watching this world to change really fast and I am a part of this world. It is like opening the eyes with the feeling of wonderment. This feeling makes me want to explore not only what is outside, but also what is inside of me. I do respect my own time, it would be foolish to be contaminated and manipulated with thoughts that are not my own. We need to keep connected to the world, it is very important to bring us joy.

Double Penguin Movies Review

2007-10-27T22:18:00.000-02:00

This weekend I watched two movies about little penguins. Happy Feet (2006) and Surf's Up (2007). Coincidence? Maybe, I guess there are penguins in my life. A coincidence like this happened before when I watched several movies related to time-space in the same week... Well, regarding the first movie, my driving instructor had bought and showed me the DVD cover. My sister also watched this one. The second one is on the big screens right now, and that's where I watched it.
This is the first one, cute little Mumble:

Happy Feet/Warner Bross - 2006

The movie is all white. Ice everywhere. It will teach that there are some differences that may be good. It tells about how strong one can be to prove oneself in an environment filled with traditions and prejudice against the new. It was a good way to say: "Hey, I am different but I am no less than you.". The easy way would be to crumble and give up, but this stubborn Mumble was happy against all odds and ended up dealing with his difference and proving that he was no less. And he was not alone, he had a little army of friends that believed in him. Another message in this movie was about protecting the nature, because humans are destroying it...
The other movie is about the cool young Maverick:

Happy Feet/Sony Pictures - 2007

Instead of a depressing-all-white-scenario starring a penguin that we want to pity, this movie had this crazy penguin rocking with the sound of Green Day. Instead of a cold place, there was a tropical paradise. The water effects in this movie are amazing. The computer graphics are beautiful. Well, the story of this movie is very similar to the other, about a different being trying to prove his talent. But the personality of this other one is different. Its like "Hey, I am different so what?". Oh, almost forgot, the other cool characters from this movie are the Big Z, Lani and Joe. They are a bunch of weirdos rocking with their peaceful lifestyle.

All About Me

2007-10-21T15:02:00.000-02:00

This weekend I moved all my web site to the Blogger format. But I did not do it alone, Google was there to help me in this task. I was trying to avoid moving my stuff to the world of the Web 2.0 or at least use it as less as possible. I like to be in control of everything, I don't like the servers to handle the information I create. It was not even my intention to move my garden to Blogger, I was just testing some stuff in Google Docs. I was surprised to see how easy it was to edit a document. Then I found out that every document that you create can be published in the WWW. And even more, they can be published in some blog servers. Then I gave up and created a Blogger account using my Google account and started to publish my old posts.
I had to face some challenges like how to deal with the dates. Most of my posts were from year 2006. I had to keep the consistency of the dates. But no big deal, you can do it on Blogger. The next thing was how to deal with the layout. It was not easy, but Blogger has a very cool template editor where you can edit its widgets. You can have almost the total control of the layout you create. So I used one template available and spent a whole day to customize it to make it look the way I wanted.
Well, Blogger is not a place to host web sites, but to host web logs, so it is not like you can build your home page in there. You don't have the control of individual pages, just the control of the template you will use. And since Google is smart, there is a very nice integration with the Google Docs. Every post I make is created and edited in the Google Docs. I have to say that this integration is not 100% perfect. I could not specify the title of the posts and the label to use. I created directories in my root folder to organize the documents and I also added dates in the names to organize the files in this folder. This file is called "071021 All About Me" and it is stored on the folder "Diary". The contents will be exactly the same when I publish on Blogger, but I will still have to edit the title and the label manually. I hope Google can automate this stuff in the future, it supports it but doesn't seem to be good yet.
To store images I am using the Google Pages. I cannot use the Blogger to upload image files, so I had to upload them in my Google Page Creator. I will probably be using the Picasa Web Album to manage my photos. So with these Google tools I created a mini portal to manage all my Zenith Garden. There is also YouTube where I post and link to videos! And Google Language Tools to translate my pages to any language, but this tool does not seem to work well too. Google Analytics gives me an incredible detailed report about visitors. It surprised me.
(...)
I have to think about it, Google knows all about me. iGoogle knows what I search on the web. It knows about my deepest curiosities. Although I do not use it too much, Orkut knows about my relationships. Gmail knows about the contents of my emails. Now Blogger/Google Docs will know about my posts, opinions and stuff that I decide to publish on the web. Quite amazing. Google rules all the text ads and with the acquisition of DoubleClick it will rule almost the entire virtual publicity out there. Google is now in the stock market so people will want money from it. I do hope that my privacy stays with them, although I know that they have the means to know a lot about me. At least in the real world it can't reach me yet.
Anyway, I am very happy with the power of the Web 2.0. The hard work is reduced a lot, I only have to worry about the contents and the layout. The rest, the hard and boring stuff, I will let Google to handle.

Within Temptation - All I Need

2007-10-15T01:00:00.000-02:00

This is the new video single from Within Temptation called "All I Need". Quite amazing. The single cover has a very beautiful woman in a bed with lots of wires on her head. It made me wonder if the video was about her dreaming in the hospital.
Well, this video was mostly like to be inspired by the movie "The Cell". The movie is about a journey into the mind of a serial killer. Minds, dreams... Enjoy!

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Evanescence - Good Enough

2007-09-11T00:00:00.000-03:00

A metaphorical seed that is planted in the floor and a burning soul that walks though the rooms. The time travels in fast motion.

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The First Birthday Party

2007-05-26T14:15:00.000-03:00

Yesterday me and Miguel left the office and went straight to the Gurnee Malls to look for a gift for the baby girl. We wondered what an American would like to receive as a gift. At first we thought it was better to buy a gift card. But then we found a store with lots of cool stuff for girls. Catties, fluffy pillows and other kid like things. So we decided to buy our gifts in that store instead of giving a gift card... We also bought some gift bags. We could not find any 1-year-birthday-gift-card but I guess it was a already enough buying those little toys.
In the next day we had lunch at T.G.I. Friday's. I ordered and ate it all and even asked for a dessert. Then we picked up the gifts in the hotel and headed to Mike's house. First we tried to find the city of Silver Lake in the state of Illinois, but we completely forgot that the state was in Wisconsin! Anyway after 45 minutes or so we arrived at Mike's house.
Wisconsin is a beautiful place. I never liked the big cities, I would never live in a place like Chicago. I am a beach boy after all... Also, I studied in a very peaceful city in college times. But pay no attention to my nonsense, I also like the big cities. Anyway the most important thing is the people living inside these cities.
In the middle of the road I realized I had forgotten my camera, I was so mad with myself. But at least Miguel was caring his. Mike's house looked exactly as a standard American house. There was a big garden, grass in the ground, a big garage and the house itself was made of a wood like material. We could find the house because his younger child, little Michael, was playing outside. The mailbox had the family's name written though.
Once we arrived Mike welcomed us with a drink. Little Michael was very funny. He was driving those bikes for children. He seemed a smart boy. He tried to explode a balloon by sitting on it, but luckily he couldn't do it. It was dangerous and I told him not to do that. There were also two other children, Mathew and Jessie, the oldest son. And of course, the baby Anna. I guess these names are all family names, since Anna is the name of Mikes grandmother.
You know, that family was amazing! Very kind and I never expected to be invited to a family party. I kinda felt that it was a party for the people close to him. In the beginning I thought other people from the office would come, beside me and Miguel but I was mistaken.
One of the Mike's child, Mathew was very, very nice to me. I don't know why but he started to say all sort of things to me. Hmmm... I had the feeling that somehow he is always trying to do his best. He said that he was not thaaat close to his little brother, because I thought they would play together but you know, children are children anywhere in the world. He even wanted to show me the playground and the shared toys. Well he complained and said nice things too, tried to show me and Miguel the cool things that he could do with the bike, skateboard, etc. Jessie was with one of his friends, he did not talk much with us.
Many other Mike's relatives started to pop out: mother, father, grandpa... The family of his wife was all there too. All American-Italians: big family, big heart. I know about Italians it is like it always fits one more person.
The party itself was great. I was not very hungry because of all the food I ate in the lunch, but I could tell it was good. The whole family sang the Happy Birthday and Mike shot the movie. So much joy!
Well, the baby was very calm. She ate her cake and smiled to everyone. It was really a princess! We all ate the cake, there were two types of cakes, one of chocolate and one of vanilla I suppose. I ate one piece too and it tasted good.
Then Sheryl started to open the gifts. I do hope they liked the message that I wrote in the card and the Hello Kitty doll I gave to the baby. Oh, I also gave them some chocolates from Brazil. There were so many chocolates in the bag that I hope they did not get mad at me, because you know, children can't eat too much sugar.
After some time my body was started to feel heavy, damn weak body that I have! Well, we took a picture with the family and then thanked Mike for the hospitality. A great man with a great family, that is why I am a big fan of him.
In the way home Miguel used the GPS to find the route and I came seated with my stomach aching so much. I had to lay down as soon as possible. Well, back in the hotel this was just what I did and I relaxed after a warm bath. Well, anyway this was quite an experience. One of those that I will treasure in my heart.

USA First Impressions

2007-05-18T00:00:00.000-03:00

Well, how can I say, there are so many things that are very different from Brazil, but nothing like I really can't get used to. The avenues are somehow larger, there is a clear division between the residential area streets and the freeways. So the avenues are larger and has traffic signs that indicates when it is possible to turn left or right for example, so the crossing among ways are very well organized. The speed limit is very low, 30 miles around railroads, 40 miles in general and higher speed limit on other highways. Tolls are not that expensive I would say, but they do exist.
The food is very different, you almost will never find white rice to eat and the beans here have a very different sauce and taste. Almost everything is spicy, maybe because the weather here is colder so... Food feels hotter when spicier. As for the drinks I believe they are the same everywhere in the globe! Water is water anywhere and so is the lemonade. But it is difficult to find fresh fruit juice, actually I haven't found a place that serves it yet. It is all manufactured stuff. Anyway, the local food here is very good I do not have any reason to complain. It's different for sure, but it also taste good. And as for the desserts they are just as delicious as those from Brazil. I love a good dessert after dinner. Oh, I guess the people here dine very early because whenever we go out to have dinner at night the places started to get empty and people starts to disappear!
Now the most important comment to me is about the people. I cannot say I met and talked with all these different cultures we can find around here. There are people from India, Mexico, Latin America, Eastern Asia, China, Israel and also the Americans themselves. There are many young Americans that use very strange and Gothic cloths. Weird hair, black shirts. The kids are very cute though. I wish I could take pictures of all those people, there are so many different cultures crossing you when you hit the places you go. And even in the place I am working there are different English accents. Also, there are not so many native Americans around. Where the Americans are used to work?
Talking about people, my host here is the coolest man around. He is so simple and yet good in his own way. He welcomed us with open mind and even invited us to the birthday party of his baby girl, Anna. Absolutely just the person I though he was. I am still getting used to the other people around I did not have much opportunities to have contact with them. I am the kind of person that takes some time to get familiar with another person, but once I get used, the relationship becomes much better and smooth.

Flight To USA

2007-05-13T00:00:00.000-03:00

Today I will gonna tell about my arrival at the USA.
Everything started when I left Campinas, my mother, my aunt and my sister came with me to the airport of Garulhos. I brought two bags, 32kg each and other two hand bags. In the check-in a very sympathetic lady was behind me and saw my whole travel saga between the two airports. Miguel arrived a little bit later and he came with his girlfriend and her parents. After the check-in I went to the Federal Station to register the notebook, but it was not needed because it is a national product. They let me through. I ate the dinner, went to the restroom and I was ready to go.
In the X ray line, I met Miguel again and they checked my hand bags, the notebook and etc. We waited a little longer and the time to go came. I saw someone I knew, Samuel, that works in São Paulo now, but I did not see if he entered in the airplane.
When the time came, I bordered in the airship and sat in the end of everything, in the last seat close to the window, me and Miguel. I believe it was the worst place to seat. Anyway that lady that I mentioned before sat in the other side with her husband beside her. She wished me good look kinda worried because she thought I was all alone. When the plane started to fly I said to Miguel that I was feeling lighter, but that was weird since I should be feeling heavier instead. Whatever! The people there served some drinks and three meals, a snack, a chicken breast and some fruits during the whole flight.
In the front's seat back there was a small screen so we could watch to some movies and see the position of the plane while flying. In the map we could also see the temperature of Chicago and the estimated time to arrival. Among the many movies I watched one with Brew Barrymore where she writes some music lyrics with another musician. There was also nine audio channels to chose among different themes of songs.
In the noon it was frozen cold, I was wearing a heavy jacked and Miguel used the plane's blanket. I could sleep a little, since I am good at sleeping, but Miguel said he couldn't fall asleep because he would not fit into the chair. And besides, there were always people coming from here to there and the restroom was close behind us.
When we arrived at Chicago everything was peaceful. We had to fill some forms and show our passports. After that we took our bags and go out. We went to Hertz to rent a car that looked like a pickup to me. A good thing around here is the GPS, you type the location you want to go and the route is calculated and displayed on the screen. Everything is automatic!
When we arrived at the hotel, we arranged our stuff. There was an old guy that was leaving the hotel with the tiniest short ever in that cold wind! Amazing! After that each one of us stayed in our individual rooms and I decided to go out to eat something. Near me there was a group of people with a very peculiar northeast Portuguese accent so I asked them if they were from Recife. The answer was yes, and I asked if they knew the people from Eldorado since they worked at Cesar. Well, they were three guys and a girl. Anyway I wanted to know if they knew a guy named Ernani. By asking I found out his hotel room number and after this conversation I dialed to Miguel's room and we went to the cafeteria again. Later we went to search for a department store to buy some stuff we needed and some phone cards. We headed for Wall Mart, walked around a little more and we returned to the hotel. Since we were rotten tired we slept deadly in our rooms. As a matter of fact, I slept until 2:45PM and started to watch TV. Miguel called me to have lunch and we went to Burger King. A Chinese man was taking the orders, it was hard to understand him. Well, after the lunch we went to Motorola, to find where it was located.
Back to the hotel, more rest... At the noon we headed to Gurnee Malls, a kind of big shopping center. We explored a place where they sell hunting stuff, they were selling bows and arrows, it was very cool and there was also a small lake with fishes in there. We visited the Nike store. In one of the corridors there was a movie theater and there was also an autorama place in which an employee girl had to take the cars that fell off the track while children played with them with some sort of remote control. Poor girl, doing that all day long. The gaming house had several games and also an entrance to play hockey. Oh, in this mall there was tons of guys wearing a marine uniform cloth. It seems there is a marine base near the Michigan's lake. I visited the GAP store, H&M, hmm... many other stores and I became really tired to see them all. Back to the hotel, Ernani called me and said we could go to his room so me and Miguel went there to meet him. I gave him some chocolates that my sister wanted to give to her boss. We talked and exchanged some hints.
The hotel's bathroom was very cool! I brought my shampoo, my sponge and everything I needed. I took a quick bath and then used the bath tub, it is very relaxing! There is a drying too so my hair is never wet at night. A gift of gods!
Oh, since the notebook is a national product so is the energy cable plug. I did not know how to plug it in the power source. Ernani had the idea to ask the lobby employees about an adaptor and you know what? They had one and I borrowed one. I left the notebook charging and used it later in my bed. The bed is very huge, I think it fits a family of three. It is also very soft! And since we have a wireless network I can use the notebook anywhere! But the chair of the desk is also super comfortable.
Well, in the next days I will be ready to work!

I Can Make It Alone

2007-05-10T13:12:00.000-03:00

It is cold today! My dizziness is slowly fading away. I feel healthier now, not a 100% but much better. I am having weird dreams recently and I feel odd. It is almost like my body tells me not to go anywhere. My British accent is becoming much better now, but I still feel insecure whether to use it or not. Because of my eating disorder, I am still feeling weak, but that's fine, it is probably just anxiousness that I am fighting within subconscious domains. I am hungry, I want to eat!!! Why my body insist on rejecting food? Things I cannot control are such a pain.
I am feeling very childish today. When I talk to older people I feel much better. Maturity is something difficult to acquire, although I can sense the big picture, I know I am still immature. I need to focus on working in a proper manner to measure all my work. And the title of this post is a lie. I can't make it alone. I have people to support me, that I can rely and trust. I need them in a symbiotic relation. People that remember me when I am about to travel to a far away place, people that want to know what is going on in my life. And there is also people that share their opinion with me and listen to what I have to say. That's friendship a precious jewel I always treasure in my heart.
Today I have learned a valuable lesson. What the people expects from me and the qualities that are recognized as good and can mobilize people's behavior. That is good to know, more data for me. The goal is to achieve better relationship by achieving human objectives and organizational objectives. Ultimately a better social environment. There are several models of operation, it is up to you to understand the model you are in and use it the best way you can to succeed.

Let The Marketing Begins

2007-05-07T00:00:00.000-03:00

Today it was addressed to me an interesting comment. Why are you usually fond of those the others aren't? I found that funny, am I really that weird? Another funny joke was something about sitting by someone else. The guy who asked me this started to laugh after I said "yes" to his question. Quite an odd guy, man I am terrible to understand other people's jokes. What did I say that was so funny anyway?
Oh boy, my desk is a mess! There are keys, cables, coins, pens, books, DVDs. I need to organize my stuff one of these days...
Anyway, putting these jokes behind, what I wanted to write about is how it is extremely positive when you face your life with a good mood and spirit. In many situations all odds will be against you. There are too many questions, not one solution, just a single life and so much confusion. I am full of things to do, people that I have to deal with. The way I speak, I look, I listen, they all influence the cogs of my life. Since I can't always be the winner I try to find a way to plant good seeds to watch beautiful flowers blooming in the future. Now I have an important task regarding a presentation to show to other engineers the pros and cons of a different system architecture. And when you are used to something, you should expect resistance, I have to keep that in mind. Engineers are no different. But to me this is also marketing stuff. I love when I can sell an idea, the feeling of sharing concepts is so cool.
Sharing what you know to others is a good thing. Kindness is a good thing! But we can't be foolish, because sometimes you need to go to the darkest places to see if the light is been manipulated or if it is a real light. We have this incredible ability to create a world of fantasy and use it as an illusion not only to fool ourselves but to fool others.

The Human Firewalls

2007-05-05T00:00:00.000-03:00

While I was reading an essay, I remembered about my research regarding the firewalls of the human brain. That essay indicates how people who suppress the feelings become more depressed and unhealthy. There are many reasons for one to suppress the feelings, humans are used to do it in many situations. The scientists observed two groups watching disgusting and despicable scenes. One group was allowed to freely express the emotions while the other group was instructed to not express any emotion at all. The second group was more affected by autonomous reactions, heart acceleration and high level of stress. It was a quite interesting experiment. It was also clear that an emotionless person has a low social behavior and is not very interesting to others.
That experiment reminded me that breaking the psychological firewalls requires a lot of patience. I need to organize better the data and results of my analysis on this subject. The brain is basically shaped in three levels, the reptilian complex, the limbic system and the neo-cortex. In order to interpret a reaction we need to understand how these three levels interact with each other and how they express their activities throughout the body since we cannot simply read the mind of others. That's the reason of my research, not only to break the firewalls but to understand how my body is affected by my own inner interactions. The signals of rejection that I cannot control have always annoyed me. Mind control by means of meditation and body side effects are tied to each other, I cannot simply ignore the rules of the nature. So... It is better if I work together with them.

Sharing My Music Tastes

2007-04-23T00:00:00.000-03:00

Today I added a menu link to some music videos that I like to see and listen to. Since they are inspiring videos to me I do hope everybody likes them. I am planning to add more multimedia stuff to this garden and maybe some pictures of me. They are all scattered across my hard drive anyway.
And you know what? This whole garden has changed. The new layout is all xml/xsl/rss stuff. It is much easier to update the pages using xml files. All I have to do is to add the files to the server and everything dynamically changes! And in the world of the WEB 2.0 I can attach other gadgets like the shockwave/flash videos that simply are the coolest!

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

2007-04-16T00:00:00.000-03:00

This weekend I moved half of my stuff to Debian Etch Linux. I have to say it took me more time than I expected. My computer is an AMD64 +4200 dual, with a GeForce 7300 LE video card. The motherboard is an ASUS M2NE with 8 audio channels, all provided by NVidia!
I am very happy to have an alternative to Windows! I am discovering a brand new applications' world and I have to forget about my dear Winamp and Mplayer Classic to discover new applications. And their replacements are RhythmBox and Mplayer and you know what? They are very cool!
RhythmBox sends to LastFM server all the songs that I hear and I am listening to Isaac right now!
About the window manager, I've chosen a gnome-compiz! It all look so good.

Time And Space

2007-04-12T00:00:00.000-03:00

It has been 6 days since I last heard or talked about work. I have spent some time with my family and some time with myself. It would be perfect if everybody could share the same free time, so I could also spend time with my friends. But each one of us have our own time and speed. And my speed is different from everyone as everyone's speed is different from the rest of the world.
I am not a child anymore to jump into an adventure by chance. But I don't feel like I am in an age that I can't accept changes, accept to learn or face something different or even to try something completely unknown. Or maybe it is not a matter of age, I always choose to be in the middle term, finding alternative solutions.
I am still inspired by many ideas although I keep myself far away from executing them. Or maybe worse: to start doing something without quality. Maybe it is not so bad when you realize that you still need to catch up with what is still missing.
I feel much more still than 2 years ago, when I didn't know where I was going to work or even if I was good at something. After all, what seems interesting to me sometimes turns out to be a disaster to others. I always hold second thoughts not only when I speak, but also when I act. When you deal with people you have a small perception of their minds and this is frightening! But that's exciting and what I treasure in my heart.
The truth is that time goes by so quickly to every living soul. It is also true that the time goes by even faster for those who don't do what they like. Instead, they complain about the cruelty of time, but that's untrue. The world has its own speed and some reinvent the wheel by writing books that focus on positive thoughts. And others spend energy with discussions to compete who does it better. And the hope is the last one to die. It's a talk, talk, talk of people that think too much and forget that they need more action.
I usually don't think much. And this is true when I have to do something, I just do it and wait to see what comes next. But not for everything... An example is my personal life, I don't see how can I wear a fashion cloth and get out to a club. Music which the only goal is to make people from different cultures come together physically without worrying about unifying these cultures and opinions. Not to exchange their thoughts or points of view. Just to jump along with these songs because listening to them to dance all alone at home is something that nobody wants. I may be wrong but I feel an individualistic crowd out there. If one opens the mouth to talk, it is a regression to the stone age. The cave of shadows, the cave of stones, the cave of electronic bits.
And I am also speaking about us, since I miss the days we talked about stuff like these, not only to smash buttons in a right sequence if you know what I mean. There are many and many caves. My cave is psych.
This post is a mix of sorrow, will and complain... When I write I try to create a scene. Today this scene is unfortunately a little pessimistic, cloudy and too silent. I have many other reasons to say that this is also a good sign because of my nature. It is me wondering if somebody else is lost though this world, if there is someone missing or something lost in time.

Melting A Frozen Heart

2007-02-05T00:00:00.000-02:00

Everybody knows that I am cold when I want to. I used to deal with different people to get I what wanted since I was a little boy. Music helped me shape my personality, you know, to become the person that I am today.
And at night (when I am alone) I like to look though my window and see the city, the buildings and to breath the night air. I am always carrying my pen drive loaded with music.
This is a good exercise to forget about the person that I am, and the things that I do. I can get in contact with myself and see my life though a more human perspective. It feels great and develop my emotions in a way.

Suppressing The Personality Within

2006-12-03T00:00:00.000-02:00

The magazine I read today had several subjects about mental disorders.
Anorexia I believe everyone is tired to hear. But man, children taking pills because they are hype, rebel, etc. that was a surprise! I feel really sad when things have to be resolved using medicine. There was a boy that liked to cut himself and he started to do very weird things just to isolate himself from the world... and that's the world we live in!
And another thing that I found very interesting, but I read it outside this magazine was about a kind of light autism, the same one the bittorrent author has. Body language is very important, it is a pity that some channels of communication cannot reach everybody.
It is complicated to understand some disorders. Is the world so polluted that the people cannot see themselves anymore? I make these questions now because I also want to understand myself, sometimes I became a little revolted and with light depression, but this never affected my activities, the things I wish to do and my quest for my goals. But just stop and think about it, which goals are these? To enlist the ordinary ones doesn't count. And it makes me tired to hear about marriage, children and, man... to retire? Get a real, the public benefits are broken! To be known as myself is a way to begin, I think it all starts this way.
Back to the subject about the world today, I believe that part of this picture is due to the competition that does not care about our time and differences. As I always studied in public schools (with the exception of my English and Exam Preparatory classes) I was oblivious about the competition among my colleagues. Sometimes we even missed course books and I already spent months without classes of a specific subject like History and Chemistry. In my 3rd year of high school I started to go to the Prep. Exam Course every day in the noon and I clearly saw how the people there were more competitive. There was an ugly and annoying girl that even wanted to sabotage me with some psychological tricks, but she just gave up when she found out that I was going to try engineering and not biologics. My policy was never to say what I was going to do and although I always said to people that I had doubts, I had none. I always knew what I was going to do. And come on, to play psychological games against me requires a very skilled player, since I am good at reading the body language and I analyzing the intentions of the people based in their past behavior, etc. aka intuition.
The Preparatory Exam Course showed me a new reality and you know what, I believe that even if I did not had started this course I would be accepted in my college. What it matters is the dedication and the quality of your study. Even in the college it was not because I was used to sleep in the classes that I was not approved and I was never reproved in anything.
I want to live in a more human like place, less wild, less bestial. Our rules are so messed that people that are completely happy in a place would feel completely smashed in another one. I think I am starting to see it closer and clearly now that I am living outside the college world. I was protected back then. I always knew that it was part of our system, but man, there are so many things to analyze and to wonder... Yet I feel so lazy!!! And to live is better than watching from afar so I believe I am in my time.
Blah, I just wanted to comment about the magazine: even children taking medicine because any difference is a disease today. Isn't it revolting?

Eternal Recurrence

2006-11-22T00:00:00.000-02:00

It looks like we go forward and backward all the time. While working is necessary, living in society and evaluating about our way of life also seems to be.
I know that it is not everyone that thinks like me and it's very difficult for me to show non-logical thoughts, mainly if I am at work. But certainly if I always act rationally I would be a very unhappy person. And above all odds, the job I have chosen is computer engineering. I feel like I am in a very hostile environment and it could kill my intuition little by little, it could turn me into a little robot of the analysis, of the calculus, of the implementation and of the process. Of course I don't expect that my behavior will make everybody happy, that's why I struggle. And because there are people around me, to act in a rational way, honestly, it's not good because people are very crazy.
To review the analysis, to discuss estimates, to propose different solutions and to involve people without they noticing it and etc. all of this is my home, I may not be the best in this area, but at least I like it. And the oratory is not my specialty, it never was and okay, I have to improve it together with my logical thoughts. I guess everything has it's the right time.
But what really makes me confused is so many different things:

People that like to work, but without any talent
People that don't like to work, but with lots of talent
People that are very dedicated, but just can't do things right
Those who can complete in minutes things that you spend days to complete
Those boring ones that can only suck your blood and turns your life into hell
Those who doesn't do anything useful, but really makes you happy and help to create a better place to live

I could say, let's celebrate the differences! But life is not fair and it's not meant to be. What is this illusion that attempts to make the society an ideal place to live with the differences? This goes against the very own nature. Well, but we always hear those stories that tells us that we are more special from other living beings because of this and that... Usually I do agree, but there are times that I disagree or lose my patience because of some of the excuses that seems to cover the sun with the bolter just for the convenience of few.
You know, sometimes I really become angry because I am not everything I would like to be and I cannot do everything. But this feeling goes away after some time because I know that nobody is perfect. But then again I become angry because I don't like the idea of staying quiet and agree, but this feeling goes away again because in life we win and lose.
And this is all very boring because you go forward and backward, return to the same subjects just to find similar answers and conclusions to the ones you had in the past and so the subject is forgotten again, but you know that the root cause will not disappear and it would never die. But I know that this is the reason why everything is so good and the reason why it is all so exciting because we are always learning something new until we die. Better than dying while we are still alive because of losing the ability to feel and see though all of this.
If I could stop and think I would feel even more confused than I already am. I am a very multi-threaded person and in my head many ideas are traveling one after another almost at the same time. The body language of the people trying to say something, the tentative to figure out the meaning of the words above their literal meaning, the past unveiling the present, this or that, there are many variables in this game.
But why all this? We become very tired and after we rest we return to the point we have left to continue to do the same mistakes and the central questions will never disappear until we disappear completely. Are we the root of chaos? Well, I don't think so. Thinking too much will not lead you anywhere.
For every argument there is a contra-argument, it's crazy! That's it, we go round and round like a circle (spiral, whatever, circles are the cutest) until we are back home and feel alive again.

An Omen That Did Not Happen

2006-10-23T00:00:00.000-03:00

Is anyone around here used to intuitions? I started to feel like getting hit by an invisible wall, actually this feeling started to get really, really strong when I arrived home. Since last week I am feeling a sort of cloud in my future as if something is about to happen to me, but I don't know what is it.
Usually I feel when something good is about to come, but this time I felt a kind of angst and my heart started to become tighter. I tried to listen to music and relax, but no big deal.
Hmmm... I hope this is not critical. It is a kind of animal instinct, as if someone is waiting for the moment to attack me and all the unconscious signs lead me to this feeling. I am very perceptive, you know me and probably have some notion of what I am talking about.
I hope this feeling goes away soon, good or evil! Maybe it's just me who are very tense. Man, sometimes I wish to have a crystal ball to see the future clearly! And I hope this is not a symptom of a bad syndrome like the panic syndrome, or something 'cause I would say to myself that I am really stressed.

An Aleatory Guy - II

2006-10-03T00:00:00.000-03:00

Well, some explanations regarding my previous post:
I wanted some feedback about NBF in general. Like when I always post something aleatory someone says: it's just "Drod's Stuff", I posted some junk on purpose to see what it would come next. But in a certain way I was a coward when I did not say what was I feeling openly and straightly. Me and my figures of speech... But I will try to excuse myself now that I have your feedback!
I have things to say, to learn and to hear. And sometimes I am a little arrogant even when using irony, so I start to wait someone to attack me, I get freaked out and scared but I remember that I have to be more cold blooded. That feeling of revenge creates angst inside me but it is not the case now... By the way, the more I know myself and have consciousness about the sings of my body the harder it gets to be aware of it. To be a good actor is so hard. Argh!
The buzzer I saw yesterday reminded me of the metamorphosis (the buzzer also have it, but it is incomplete unlike the butterfly). It is uncommon for me to wish things like "to throw it all away" or "start a new life". It is not that simple, the most I get from it is to screw up my mind - doing something foolish, whatever - so I can put my thoughts into place again. To act like a retard all the time is to ask to put me in a retirement room for old hags. So no smiles on the bald spot.
The metamorphosis question is all connected to the routine too. I like the everyday living and a routine may be good, but it gets me really tired. So I try a "mood metamorphosis" although in the end I ended up in my routine again, there is no place to run. But if keep hating this scenario, it will become the routine itself and it is not my intention to go back in time.
Now that you mentioned it, I remembered what I said to Renato a couple of years ago and he had disagree. We can only say that we own something when this something cannot be taken from us. I believe that happiness fits this philosophy and when you truly have it only you can take it and no one else can. After I said it Renato gave me an example about a micro system: since it can be taken from you so it would never be yours... Well, this computer here is mine, it can be stolen, but to me it is mine! And even if it ended up in the hands of another my computer will never be my computer on somebody else's hands.
And I agree with Fred, we learn living with other people. I love my job and the people that I spend most of my time. I was reading the events thread and Jeff was almost going to Sanca city... I am just waiting to go there together with Ander because I don't want to cut myself from this other family. I simply miss you so much! So, I have conversation threads with the other people from my work, but they are not mature enough to be like these threads we have where I feel like writing about myself and reading from what you guys have to say. Whatever, it is easier to say this sort of stuff personally if the people are around. The bad news is that we don't have much time to do it.
Transition is a very important thing. I cannot speak for others, but I believe that there are those who are happy navigating in the open sea. Even without anyone nearby I believe we can find happiness within ourselves because we can find a meaning to save safe inside of us. Extract and learn, to teach and to share it all helps the development of a good feeling. I believe that we have to understand it and in order to do it we have to try. I have a feeling that the people that experiences a chaotic life find true happiness and become much happier than those who did not live anything interesting and cannot find any real meaning about their lives.
I am not so optimistic like my sister. I don't like to compare myself with others and to think that there are worse people than me and I don't have the rights to complain only because I am healthy, etc. I get myself irritated when I am compared to someone as well, it looks like you must be able to do everything the others can do, etc. I am me and that's it. And I think, try to imagine myself living in a sea of roses, completely beautiful surrounded by elven maidens. Man, in less than three seconds this picture is smashed into bits. I was not born to live in heaven, I want to feel alive.
Sometimes I wonder about the path I walked since I was a child. All those time thinking in my bed at night, my doubts, my feelings... And at that time I was mad because the adults thought that I was "just" a child. But I guess it was better that way, anyway. To certain things I have grown and to other things I still have much to strike for.
You know, my life does not have anything that special, but I do not feel sad or lost. If someone asks me what did I do today it will be hard to answer. Maybe something like losing so much time to install my new video card to capture the playstation images? Maybe I will get nervous if someone asks me about my plans for the future. JoÃ£o asked me about this in the carnassede, even today I cannot answer it well. Today it bothers me a little bit, but am I so procrastinated to throw my time through the window and to regret? I will not try to confirm this since I am not stupid. And I will not continue this topic because to discuss something like this does not lead anywhere, everyone knows what to do in this case. There are choices.
Although I think that happiness is something personal, I don't agree with Jeff in the existence of active and passive happiness. It makes more sense to say that there are those who are truly happy and those who think that they are happy, living in a world a fantasy. And this is a sad illusion that will fall with the time and regret.
(...)
Argh! I just re-read what I have just written... You know, I would like to say all of this without that feeling of "someone that knows what he is talking" because I really don't know!
Mega Posts!! Haahah!

An Aleatory Guy - I

2006-10-02T00:00:00.000-03:00

I am feeling so... It is so hot tonight... Oh yes, I am feeling... Well, for those who did not understand I am a little bit confused, it looks like I lost an antenna. Better saying it seems like there is a cloud in front of me and my old CPU cannot execute any process. That's weird, this feeling is new. I will eat an herbal bread that my aunt baked 'cause I am starting to get hungry.

Oh, today there was a big buzzer in my window. Some of them spend years under the ground eating tree roots and after that they get out of the ground all at the same time to fool the predators. Amazing! But what is even more impressive is the caterpillar that makes the cocoon, melt inside it and turns into a completely new being, the butterfly!
(...) -> See? This is was what was going on my head some minutes ago. It is good to know that everybody has a firewall against jerker. Maybe I should write a book about foolishness and maybe I will became even more stupid. Or maybe I can bring up some meaning from behind the stupidness. From the front, who cares?
By the way, I read about a bald monk. When he is in a meditating state his frontal part of the brain is around 700% to 1000% happier. Regular people just can't do it! Is the happiness an state of mind? Igor must know it and I want him to know that I still have that big desire to draw a smile on the bald spot of the monk.

Playing Society

2006-08-07T00:00:00.000-03:00

I was going to post this in another thread, but the text became too heavy so I moved it here. Well, for those who are not used to it, I am the kind of person that uses many indirect speeches, irony and things that some don't like or understand because they want to interpret everything literally. What should I do?
It has been a while since I wrote something like this, I hope I do not to offend anyone.
Hmm... on Brazil, if the video game was a children stuff, it would be very lucrative for the industry, considering that the parents do not want to be a bad example to their children giving them illegal games. Or maybe if the teenagers were less rebel while piracy it all because they believe everything is too expensive. The teenagers don't have money and it is because they live with the monthly allowance given by their parents, so they really buy illegal stuff. But of course there are those certain greedy grown ups that want the cheapest things even if they have money to spend. Or maybe they have other priority to their money, so they spend with everything they can't have for free.
Or maybe some will want to earn money from it.
Nintendo = children's games, apartments with children and their Game Cube with games bought on those cool shopping center stores and parents giving Wiis to their children in Christmas if they are approved in the school, but they ended up giving the gift anyway because it was already planned and Christmas without gifts is poverty... Whoa! Well, in these days those who have money register their children in private schools isn't it? To be approved in school or not is relative and the public schools approve them because the Estate can't retain students, absurd. And there are always those little friends that make pressure because they talk too much about the subject and because its their social culture to go into a friend's house to play the new Smash Brothers. What a cute scene to watch.
Maybe if your son is a nerdy you will want to give him a Playstation 3. Your son will already have a bluray recorder because like all the nerdy ones he will think he knows a lot. Of course he will study by himself on the Internet and with his µtorrent he will download the game he wants very quickly. I might be one of those if I was born in this generation.
I dunno, a guy that is always playing one of the Level Up Games after the school while the others from the same class room belongs to the guild together with the leaders from another city they never saw... Well, who cares about the school's test marks if in the future there is a regular jog waiting, those where you are registered, paid and everything. It's hard to imagine people teaching and giving humanity examples. It's everyone feeling to be proud from what they have, from what they lived, from what they know and wanting to be proud of their family. And children living in this world without realizing the influences of the past.
But there are still those who want to learn with the world.
There are even camouflages of a time when they said that the men was not an animal, because no, the men is the image and similarity! How can he belong to the same kingdom of the insects and sponges? Similarity if a... animal? Well who knows if changing the strategy maybe animal > vegetables... Some weirdos from above in order to protect their society, better saying, interests, insert these unconscious seeds, even because we don't think too much, right? What is it that brings fragmentation instead of union? Why there are so many of them spreading throughout the world, each coming from a different culture and sometimes feeding from the ego of people like some insane visionaries that used this weakness in the past to do what they please. Blasphemy if I compare them to the same holocaust faction, but in a certain way, all of them explore the psych of human society. Vanity.
Not trust the Internet because the data are not trustworthy and the authors are anonymous? Hmmm...
Big examples, big personalities and a bunch of followers. After all, it is one writer and many readers.
Oh, if we had money many problems would go away and I don't know if any enterprise would be interested in the teenager market share around here because of their way of thinking... Well, but I believe that this is very natural and the whole world must be aware of this and the consequences. By the whole world I mean, the teenagers. Yeah, the whole world is aware, but I remember that when I was studying in high school there were so many discussions about alienation and that's obvious that the lessons we learn we never forget! But what about those who did not have these classes? And the worst: what about those who even had high school?
Lessons learned, yet not lived.
I cannot explain this too well, I don't know if it is only me, but I feel like some essential things starts to disappear with our age. Or with the time, maybe I had more deep conversations when I was younger. Even because the people that I used to I talk to about these subjects before seems to think, better saying, not to think about it anymore. How much limited, suffocating and manliness is the world of adults? Yes, it is because I when I was a teenager I thought that the world of the adults was very squared and I have the feeling that some people that grew with me is becoming squared too. Even marriage and pregnancy! PS: after the pregnancy, the babies come! Oh, just joking.
The world have those who complain about always wanting more, those who struggle and never enjoy their moments because they are used to it and those ones who, oh, the others who no one cares because they don't use the others, are not used and it is better leave them alone, right? They are not feeding this vicious cycle... Do they even exist?
Well, maybe what I have written here was important just to myself and to no one else. After all, the perception is from someone very subtle. And these relief was something very subtle too. From everything I lost, at least I learned something and I am happier now after leaving behind many of my illusions in the past. But I am a little sadder too, because in this world the natural things perish, but they can be artificially recreated to last longer.
Metaphors, right?

Within Temptation - Memories

2005-02-08T18:33:00.000-02:00

This is one of my favorite videos from Within Temptation. It is a travel to the past, where places and objects trigger memories inside a woman's soul.

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Madonna - The Power Of Good-Bye

1998-08-10T00:00:00.000-03:00

This is a video about a love story that gone wrong, about breaking up with someone and letting it go. It's like getting tired of the suffering and moving on.
The images are like very beautiful and dramatic. Some filters were applied to the video making it feels like it's under ocean waves.

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